


It was just a kiss

by ssa_archivist



Category: Smallville
Genre: M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2002-08-06
Updated: 2002-08-06
Packaged: 2017-11-01 04:41:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,944
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/352034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ssa_archivist/pseuds/ssa_archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I give BlueSky credit for helping me finish this and making sure there are no big errors.  Two views. Just a kiss.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It was just a kiss

## It was just a kiss

by Daughter of eve and Bluesky

[]()

* * *

It was just a kiss 

By Daughter of eve and BlueSky. (thank you) 

Disclaimer: My good lord Michael Rosenbaum is hot- Oh wait this is the part where I tell you something else you already know - I don't own them. 

I can't believe he kissed her. He's supposed to be my best friend and he kissed her. I went over there, like I always do, up into the office and there they were Lex and Lana kissing. I was excited about my birthday, in four days I would be 18. In a few weeks I would graduate from high school, I just wanted to spend some time with my friend. The last thing I expected was to find his lips locked with Lana's. The kiss looked mutual, Lex's eyes were closed; Lana's back was towards me. I couldn't stand to look yet I couldn't look away. It should be me not...

Lex seemed to have felt me in the room because he broke the kiss, surprise and the realization that he'd fucked up big time caught in his eyes. I find myself swearing a lot lately, so forgive my choice of language. As Lana turned her head she couldn't even meet my eyes. At least Lex had the courage to look at me, though his eyes were so full of regret and mine so full of anger I bet he wished he could just look away. My eyes watered but I would be damned if either one of them saw me cry. I was still trying to get over the whole surreal image of Lex and Lana, Lex and my Lana- like that- when Lex's voice broke through.

"Clark I..." Lex began, but I cut him off.

"Let me guess, this isn't what it looks like." I turned and walked away, too angry to trust myself not to punch a hole in the stonewalls. I heard heavy footsteps behind me; one pair but I didn't turn- not even when I heard my name, called out in pain. As soon as I was far enough away I ran, shit, tears were actually falling from my eyes, my best friend betrayed me.

I didn't take Lex's call that night and he didn't try again. I wasn't going to call him but he seemed to give up damn easily, which made me even angrier. It was like he didn't even care that he'd ruined almost four years of friendship. 

It's been four days and today is my birthday. Chloe and Pete found out what happened. It's hard keeping things from Chloe. They both know I haven't talked to Lex in four days, and I've talked to Lex every day for the past three years. 

It seemed the whole school knew how I felt about Lana and I haven't talked to her either. Not that she's even tried. In school she walked by me quickly with her head down. One time I actually thought she was going to speak, but then thought better of it and walked away. I try not to think of either one of them, but trying doesn't do a damn thing. I was angrier with Lex then with Lana. Yes, Lana knew how I felt, but Lex was my best friend, and knew my heart. He had pushed me towards Lana from day one. How could he do this?

What happened put a damper on my small party and it ended early. I then retreated to my solitude in the four walls of the barn. Confused about how I felt and how I feared, I couldn't even begin to face how I truly hurt I was. 

I heard him pull up to the house, but I didn't move.

I heard him enter the barn, but I didn't turn.

I heard him come up the steps, but I didn't greet him.

I can be very stubborn when I'm pissed off.

I continued to stare out into the night, concentrating on the stars and the silence of space and not on the man standing behind me.

"Clark?" Lex questioned quietly, though he already knew I was there. I didn't answer.

"I just wanted to wish you a happy birthday and give you this." He placed something on the couch but I couldn't bring myself to turn and look. I was furious. 

"Clark, it's..." He began but stopped, Lex lost for words. I would have found it funny any other time. What would it take to get a Luthor to apologize? My father's words were creeping into me - and ringing true. I finally turned to look at him, and I'm sure he could see the anger in my eyes; he actually took a step back.

He opened his mouth to speak, then closed it. I heard him sigh. "Happy Birthday Clark."

I let myself gaze down at his present, it wasn't wrapped.

The compass.

I had seen it in a window about three months ago. It wasn't expensive, but it had meaning. I remember pointing it out to Lex and hearing him say something about how I was his compass of right and wrong. Keeping him on the straight and narrow, you know, not having any fun. I remember laughing when he'd said it. I went to go buy it the next week, but it was gone.

He had bought it, and kept it. Until now. As I sat on the couch and picked it up Lex turned and walked down the stairs.

"How could you Lex?" My voice was much stronger then I thought it would be. My eyes were tearing up again. I hadn't cried, had willed myself not to cry, since... just talking about it made it... harder. I turned the compass over in my hands, shit, it was engraved: To Clark my moral compass Your Friend Lex Luthor.

"Clark, I can't give you an excuse."

"You could try." I looked up at him; he had his hands in his pockets, long sleeves, even in the summer heat. He was wearing blue; I always told him he should wear more blue.

"You want me to tell you it didn't mean anything, it didn't. It hasn't happened before and it won't again."

"That's not good enough you knew how I felt about...all this time you tried to set me up with her, what was that?"

"That was an honest attempt to make you happy. But Clark, Whitney's been gone for three years, they've been apart for almost two, and you haven't done anything."

"So you thought you would move right in." I placed the compass next to me laying my hand on it lightly. The feel of the metal was the only thing keeping me in one piece.

"That's not what I meant Clark."

"So how did it happen?" 

"I don't know, I've misused your trust maybe everyone was right..."

"No Lex, you don't get off that easy." I was on my feet now, fists clenched. Anger came so quickly.

"You're going to hit me Clark, I deserve it."

I looked down and took a deep breath, no I couldn't hit him, I'd kill him if I did.

"Clark." Lex took a step towards me with an out reached hand.

"Don't Lex," I was almost shouting now, yelling every thought that came into my head. "You knew, and don't tell me she kissed you, because I saw, you weren't pushing her away and you kissed back! You were holding her, and why did you when you knew I loved you." Oh shit wrong pronoun.

"What did you say Clark?" Lex's head shot up looking me dead in the eyes.

"Her, I loved...her." Why did I say him? Because I love him not her. Damn.

"But that's not what you said."

"I made a mistake." It was hard to lie with him staring right through me.

"I don't think you did." He stepped closer. "Why are you really upset Clark? 

Is it because I was kissing Lana or because I wasn't kissing you?" His voice wasn't angry it was more soothing, quiet, and it just made me think.

I was angry because Lex was kissing Lana but I was also angry because it was Lex who was kissing Lana. If it were Pete, would I be this upset? No. But Lex is my best friend. So is Pete. If Lex kissed Chloe, yep same anger. Pete kissing Chloe, nope. The voices in my head really have to start getting along. 

"Lex it's just that, I really think..." What did I really think? I think I'm in love with Lex Luthor. Quite a revelation to have on your 18th birthday.

"Are you in love with me Clark?" Leave it to Lex to be so direct. I looked right into his eyes and over whelming, the voices shouted yes.

"Yes."

"Clark." Another step toward me and Lex was kissing me. It was just a kiss. 

A kiss that made my knees shake. Lex had grabbed a handful of my hair and was kissing my mouth like he needed it to breath. And I let him. Let him claim my mouth with a need I didn't know existed, and that I returned. My arms wrapped around him like I never wanted to let him go. This was turning into an interesting birthday.

* * *

I can't explain how it happened. Lana came to my office upset that the Talon was closing down. I had done everything in my power to keep the little coffee shop open, but it still couldn't stand on it's own two feet. I really didn't want her around. But then she started to cry, and a women crying is just something that I can't ignore. So I hugged her and I am not a touchy feely person, but in the last four years this town has changed me. Suddenly we were kissing. I couldn't tell you who started it but as I closed my eyes, I wished it were someone else. 

And then he appeared. I felt him in the room even before I opened my eyes and I knew. I had made a big mistake. And that just happened to be the understatement of the year.

As Lana turned her head, I saw in Clark's eyes an anger I haven't seen since Pete tried to kill me, only this time he wasn't acting. 

What have I done?

"Clark I..." I began but he cut me off.

"Let me guess, this isn't what it looks like." His eyes were glossy from tears that wouldn't fall, and he turned away. I ran down the hall after him calling his name.

I had hurt my best friend.

I called him that night but his mother told me he had gone to bed. He was avoiding me. I didn't call again. I wasn't sure if there was anything I could say to make it better. I had kissed the girl he loved. The girl he had dreamed of for a lifetime. So I avoided him too.

Four nights later it was Clark's birthday. I had been invited to the party about a week ago but now...

I needed to talk to him. I hadn't gone this long without speaking to Clark in at least three years. It was...unsettling. 

I drove past the house at 10:30, all the lights were out except for the tell tale glow in the barn. So I walked up, sure he'd heard the car pull in.

As I entered the barn he didn't greet me like he usually did, bounding down the stairs with a huge smile on his face. Instead I walked all the way up to the loft before even seeing him, his back to me. Ignoring my existence, choosing not to see.

I had his gift with me. A compass I had picked up about three months ago from an antique store window. I remember joking with Clark about him being my compass of right and wrong and how he'd smiled at me. I wanted him to smile like that again. I had had it engraved, but now it just didn't seem like enough. The Luthor way of buying friendship. 

"Clark?" It came out softer then I had planned.

He still didn't answer me and I knew he had every right never to speak to me again.

"I just wanted to wish you a happy birthday and give you this." I placed the unwrapped compass on the couch but still he didn't turn.

"Clark, it's..." I wanted to say something but I couldn't. I couldn't find the words. Hard to believe.

When Clark turned to look at me the same look was in his eyes as before only strangely sadder and more resigned. It scared me though, the thought that this would be the last way Clark would ever look at me. I took a step back.

Again words escaped me. I sighed, there was nothing else I could do.

Then he noticed the compass. He recognized it, I saw it in his face as he sat down and lightly fingered it. He didn't speak so I turned to walk away.

"How could you Lex?" the voice made me stop and turn. He was on the verge of tears. Crying, I have a weakness for people I care about who cry. I stuck my hands in my pockets. It was a security thing I picked up when I was thirteen and my father would bring me to his fancy parties. I hated touching everyone's hands so I just stuck mine in my pockets. Now it just kept me from reaching out and touching Clark. 

"Clark, I can't give you an excuse." 

"You could try." There was small desperation in his voice. He was giving me a chance. Probably my last one.

"You want me to tell you it didn't mean anything, it didn't. It hasn't happened before and it won't again." I wish I could just say I was sorry.

"That's not good enough you knew how I felt about... all this time you tried to set me up with her, what was that?"

"That was an honest attempt to make you happy. But Clark Whitney's been gone for three years, they've been apart for almost two, and you haven't done anything."

"So you thought you would move right in."

What? No. "That's not what I meant Clark." She's not the one I want to be happy. Not the one I want to be with.

"So how did it happen?"

"I don't know," It was hard to explain to Clark without letting my feelings for him be known. I fell in love with him a long time ago. But I couldn't ruin him just being selfish, if he was someone else, anyone else, yes but not Clark. "I've misused your trust maybe everyone was right..."

Clark was up on his feet in a blink of an eye. 

"No Lex you don't get off that easy." Oh my God he was going to hit me. 

And all I could think about was how beautiful he was.

"You're going to hit me Clark, I deserve it." I was preparing myself for a punch in the face, but Clark softened as suddenly as he'd angered.

I took a cautious step towards him. "Clark."

"Don't Lex." It was then I realized that my hands, which were only a few moments ago safe in their pockets, were now reaching out to Clark. Clark was still speaking, though I never heard his words, "...and why did you when you knew I loved you." My eyes shot up.

"What did you say Clark?" Please.

"Her, I loved...her." The boy was such a terrible lair. 

"That's not what you said." That's not what you meant; I know it, admit it. Clark at least admit this to me.

"I made a mistake." Another lie. Stop Clark.

"I don't think you did." I stepped closer. "Why are you really upset Clark? Is it because I was kissing Lana or because I wasn't kissing you?" Bold question but I kept my voice as soft as possible as my body trembled for his answer.

Clark seemed deep in though staring at his shoes like they would hold all the answers of the universe if he could just look at them long enough.

"Lex it's just that, I really think..." Come on Clark what do you really think. I need this, I need to know this. Is this just some sick fantasy, or could it be real?

"Are you in love with me Clark?" Leave it to a Luthor to be so direct. But Clark looked at me then, staring straight through me like he usually does and I saw it in his eyes even before I heard his voice.

"Yes."

"Clark." Another step toward him and I kissed him. It was just a kiss. A kiss that made my knees shake. Clark's hands were at my waist and I grabbed a handful of that hair. It felt just like I'd thought it would, soft, thick. I was claiming his mouth, wanting to crawl right inside him, and he was playing my game. Clark was returning my kiss with a fever all his own.

His arms were strong around me. Love, so this is what it felt like.

As the kiss faded, never quite broken as it lead to small soft kisses, we said no words because what words could be said after an action that spoke volumes. "Silence is a true friend who never betrays." - Confucius. Tomorrow, we would speak of it tomorrow, but tonight we confessed our love. 


End file.
